When you think about Hip hop culture, there are a few things that you think of right away; jewelry, money, sneakers, those things and Hip hop just go hand in hand. Unfortunately, there is something new that probably comes to mind when you think about Hip hop… Adderall.
Last week I pointed out the correlation between Codeine and the demise of Hip hop talent. This week, I would like to talk about something that hits close to home.
Adderall and the newer generations is a problem, and it is nothing new. However, we live in a world where the drug is glorified and in the U.S. alone, there are over 1.7 million stimulant abusers. (Talbott Recovery)
My story about Adderall
This week was the worst week I have had in a long time. Well, probably since the last time that I allowed this to happen to me… I have been prescribed Adderall for about six years. At the beginning of the month, I filled my prescription. About four days later, I opened my bottle and noticed that it was looking a bit light. Well, more than a bit.
Now, I have had my times where I have run out of Adderall. Times where I decided that it was a good idea to take more than I was supposed to, and took it off script. And, I always pay for it… Adderall withdrawal is real. And, it can be debilitating.
So, I counted my pills and I was eight short! I had only had them for a few days. I knew that I hadn’t eaten any extra Adderall at all and yet, I was eight short. Someone had to have gotten in to my bottle when I wasn’t paying attention and I was in for a WORLD of HURT!
Naturally, I flipped my shit. I knew what I was in for, and I sure as Hell didn’t deserve it. Nor was I ready for it.
I have been looking for a job for about a month. I am on the broke side and I knew that being four days short on my Adderall was going to bring my life to a screeching halt for days. No job hunt, I wouldn’t be making any money… Basically, I was fucking screwed.
I don’t condone anything that I did or thought or I am about to say. It’s all to prove a point.
I just moved to Florida from Massachusetts. I have lived in New England for well, longer than I would like to admit… So, only being in Florida for the last two months, there was no one that I could call to help me out.
You’re probably wondering, why didn’t she tell her Doctor. Well, I have been robbed before and I have made the stupid mistake of trying to convince my Doctor that someone stole my Adderall. I just know that it’s not worth the trouble. I just make myself look bad.
So here I was in Florida, no one to lend me a couple Adderall (and I would have been VERY happy with just two or three to get by). So, I decided to cut back, just take one a day for four days, so that I would have four left over to cover the days that I was short. Smart thinking right? Ya, well I didn’t exactly make it. At the end of the month, I had a couple days where I just couldn’t convince myself that I could make it through the day on half my dose. So, I didn’t. I took two.
Long story short, end of the month and I was three days short of Adderall. Let me tell you how my week went. It went something like this… wake up, drink a cup of coffee, drink another cup of coffee, drink yet another cup of coffee, get back in bed, cry because coffee is not Adderall, go back to sleep, repeat…
That was the first couple days. Then the stomach pain started, and the headaches and restless legs. Now, I have been sick from drug withdrawals. As a recovering addict, I know what that feels like and I know that it’s terrible. Adderall withdrawals may be different, but they are not easier. The Psychological side effects are intense and it’s nearly impossible to get out of bed. Let alone actually accomplish anything.
I was like this for four days. Then, I woke up yesterday and my friend smoked some killer Sativa with me. I can honestly say that I felt like I could almost function. (BIG credit to weed. That stuff just fixes damn near everything) However, I did notice that after about an hour of being up, I would realize I was back in bed… and repeat.
The point is…
I was finally able to pick up my Adderall today and you guessed it, I feel like a completely different person. So, what does all this have to do with anything? Well, about 95% of the time, I take my Adderall like I’m supposed to take it. I am prescribed a VERY low dose and I have been on the same dose for years. And yet… I suffered terribly for days with no signs of the suffering letting up until I got my new prescription.
Adderall is terrible. It’s a terrible drug. My body NEEDS it. It’s like any other recreational drug. It’s just awful. I’m not telling anyone what to do or giving any one shit. I take it, who am I to talk? But, it should not be glorified. I can get behind weed. I love weed. I’ll back you up any day if you’re telling someone how great weed is, but Adderall? I have too many horror stories similar to the one that I just told you.
So, I’m going to talk to my Doctor and have him take me off of them. ERM… slowly but surely. As in, maybe over a couple of months. Because at the moment, I can’t imagine my life without them. I don’t remember what I was like without them. Not to mention, they actually do what they are supposed to do, I take them for a reason. It’s just not worth it anymore. Someone was able to party off my bottle AND leave me in misery for almost a week. I don’t want a drug having that kind of power over me.
If you are suffering from drug dependency, please seek professional help. As someone that has done it, I know how fucking hard it is to get clean. And I know that it’s nearly impossible to get clean on your own.
If you’re suffering or you’re sadly, watching someone suffer from drug dependency, get help.
Go to the SAMHSA website, there is so much information there about getting the help that you need and getting clean doesn’t always mean starting over. Just starting a new. Fresh.
Help is there, you just need to ask. Just tell someone.