A Rapper with a Message
I woke up today in a Kid Cudi kind of mood and decided to give you some insight into this dope rapper. He is one of the few Rappers that you hear talking about mental illness. And being Bipolar, with hectic PTSD, this is a very important topic to me.
Waka Flocka talks about mental illness a bit as well, but Cudi shoves it in your face and says LOOK AT IT STOP THE STIGMA!
This track is IT. It’s just IT. We are all on the pursuit of happiness and God do I know the night terrors. I want more of THIS from Rappers. It’s so important to get this topic out and I love Kid Cudi for his efforts to get the word out there.
The Pursuit of Happiness | My opinion
I know all about dreaming. I know all about the pursuit of happiness. I’ve been in the hospitals, over medicated and lost. Only to be sent home to remain lost and have no coping skills to deal with the triggers.
I want to get the word out there so badly. And I want to help Black men to find a safe place that they can share their feeling and fucking CRY if they need to. The stigma is so strong and so wrong. I am friends with so many black men that won’t talk to me about what’s going on with them, because that’s how they were raised.
Men in general are not allowed to be weak. They’re not allowed to cry and let it out. Someday I’m going to start an anonymous therapy for men that is a safe place where they can say ANYTHING and just have an ear to listen to them.
PTSD Triggers in the flesh
I want to share a story with you, simply because it blatantly and perfectly defines the trigger sense and that horrible fight or flight mechanism.
If you’re a fan of me and Nevernaire, you probably know that I don’t watch TV. I don’t even watch Instagram videos unless they are related to Hip hop and Nevernaire.
This is because I have horrible PTSD. It started ten years ago because everything that I watched was feeding my nightmares. I struggled with nightmares for a decade. They tried medications but the side effects were worse than the nightmares.
Now, imagine that you haven’t watched television in ten years. Since the heavy, big backed flat screen tv’s that weighed 500 pounds. Then, someone shows you a movie on one of the TVs from today. With the incredible technology and the realness.
Over stimulation
This is a sure way to freak someone out. But, then to put on a really great movie, with an amazing actor… this is a recipe for disaster.
So, what happened? Well, I was on a first date and we decided to watch a movie. I don’t know anything about new movies, so he chose the movie. He put on the Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix.
Joaquin Phoenix is an AMAZING actor, that’s strike one for my PTDS. Then, the character is just bashed to pieces by the Universe. One thing after another. And it’s so real, you feel like you’re right there. And you’re just watching this man spiral out of control solely because of what the world is doing to him.
Well, I was having a massive panic attack. I don’t know if you’re seen it but by the second time he was jumped, I was on the verge of tears and then BAM! Triggered. And he gets up on the stage at the comedy club and starts to laugh out of control in front of all these people. I’m on a first date and shit there goes my fight or flight mechanism.
I literally burst into tears, took the remote and furiously tried to make it stop but I don’t know how to use new remotes. And I just bounced! I just left. No explanation. And I cried the whole way walking home.
Why did I tell you this?
You NEVER know what some one is going through. Be KIND and EMPATHETIC to everyone. Because I’ve been there and I know what the smallest gesture can do to change some ones life. Just a simple text asking how someone is doing can do wonders. I want to promote being sympathetic and understanding, like Kid Cudi does with his music.
I just woke up today and decided that I wanted to make the World a better place, fighting the stigma and pushing mental illness into your face. Because Charles is not in Charge, no one is running your life. You’re by yourself and it’s hard as fuck. Life is hard. And it’s sad and you have to talk about it.
Suicide is a real thing and the numbers are soaring! Please be kind to your fellow man.
Because of the foot prints on the ceiling if nothing else. When someone gets to the point that they literally can’t live anymore and they hang themselves, detectives ALWAYS report foot prints on the ceiling. That last minute where they tried to save themselves. But it was too late.
That’s how I stay alive. I think about the footprints on the ceiling. Life is wonderful. But it’s terrible. And not being able to talk about depression and mental illness needs to end. And shit, maybe I just needed to get something off MY chest.
If you’re ever, EVER looking for an ear to listen or even a shoulder to cry on, you contact ME @nevernaire on Instagram and I will listen.
Love and happiness,
Crystal
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